So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
