honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
