He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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