Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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