I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
