So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
