awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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