Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
