If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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