I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
