So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
