he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize