I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
