I hate your face
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
