If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
