genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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