since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dignity is for republicans.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
