I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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