It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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