You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
