ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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