She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
try to milk me bitch
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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