A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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