you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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