I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
