i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
