Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
