Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize