Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
