i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
