What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
