I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
