and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
