She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The uberlube is also flammable
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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