I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
