Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
