I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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