Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
