I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
