she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
