oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
