Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
