I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
