Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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