I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
