Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
