people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
