I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
