This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize