I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
