Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
