You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
