turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize