Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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