Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
