Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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