as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize