god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
