do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
