So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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