Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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