im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
